Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
