Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
