he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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