i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
