You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
