ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
