Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
