The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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