I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
