Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
