I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
