The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
