she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
