He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
