she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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