i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She needs sedatives and a leash
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
