im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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