Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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