as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
