We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We got so high we made milksteak
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
