Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
