It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
