I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
