anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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