It's Friday. Sex?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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