just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
