the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
