im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
