I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
