my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
