Don't make out with my wife yet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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