go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
