why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
