I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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