either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
