oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
