I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
