xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
