Betty ford says i'm here all night
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
