i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
not ubering you a puppy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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