Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
