Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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