I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
