I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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