I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
