I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
