he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
