You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
