its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
