Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
