You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
