I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
