i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
