..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
