Screwed.edu
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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