ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
