my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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