the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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