I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
