Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
