i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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