So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
