Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
