made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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