Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
