it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
