I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my liver is dry heaving
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