I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
