Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
