you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize