we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
