If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
