am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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