remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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