2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
